A. song.

I thought I'd share a song that I've been singing. I was trying to capture/meditate a little bit on the idea of the new righteousness and justified standing we have before God which comes through faith in Jesus and his work, "apart from the law" and strictly outside of any particular works of our own, but "through faith, so no one may boast."

It's even got a touch of the apartment voice softness which we know well here...maintaining the quiet environment of our tenancy ;)



you clothe us up in your good way
with a little belief you put us in our place
you stitch us up a new garnment
with the strongest buttons and just the right fit
and so we cling to your sweet deeds
with a ton of mercy and a little belief

we believe and we live in belief
we don't see but we still walk onwardly

we know you did once walk the earth
you spread your fingers through the sand
you did breathe the air we breathe
you know just what I'm encountering
and so you place your life in mine
belief in you will stand the test of time

one day we will know
even as we are known to you now

Seeds are Sewn and They Bloom in His Timing(Testimony)...Reflections.

I've been attending the same church regularly for about 3 years now, periodically attending churches for my whole life and can only remember going to 2 sunrise services.

I remember the first time I went to a sunrise service. I was around the age of 12. It was at the first church I remember ever being inside. One that I'm not sure how my mom arrived at but it became her church family. Now that I think of how we ended up at that church, it probably had something to do with a friend of hers inviting my mom there, or maybe she just saw it and decided to go in. But for as long as I could remember we went as often as we could, whenever it was open...

I had been to many Sunday School classes, church events and plays and VBS, and I really thought I understood what it meant to be saved. I knew that I believed that Jesus was the God's Son and that he died on a cross. I had memorized the Scripture, John 3:16, and (to my embarrassment ) to this day its the only scripture that I can confidently quote  and also remember where it is located in the Bible...At a church service, I heard about the Easter Sunrise Service. I thought, "Wow. How that would really take you back to the First Easter Sunday. Seeing the sun come through the church windows, hearing about it from the Bible."

But instead, unintentionally I had been very tired and remember sleeping or daydreaming (probably of a cute boy) through most of it...When I think of my understanding of Salvation, Death, Burial and Resurrection, it was by no means due to poor teaching or poor parenting or any one's "fault." The Spirit just hadn't drawn me to that degree at the time. And though I'm sure now, my faith will be tested and I will be reminded of my need for Jesus more and more. I now that the seed that lead to my faith in Him was planted and arranged by a God who is completely sovereign.

 The Bible states in Daniel Chapter 4:

"His dominion is an eternal dominion;
his kingdom endures from generation to generation.
³⁵ All the peoples of the earth
are regarded as nothing.
He does as he pleases
with the powers of heaven
and the peoples of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand
or say to him: “What have you done?”

There have been numerous times that I have doubted, and even denied where God was and why He would allow people to experience things that we do...I used to be accused of being a pessimist. I claimed and those tendencies were labeled by many "therapists" as survival or coping skills. I don't know how many people have told me in the past that I'm "too negative." After that further broke my heart and replaced that softness with calloused worthless tissue that is unable to sustain a pulse. I responded with something I thought was really clever like, "Hey, if you always assume and expect the worst case scenario, you are less likely to be let down." Sad now, but I was really proud of this during my gloomy, or what Richard calls my "Goth days". I like to call it self-centered sadness, I contemplated suicide often not because I wanted to die, but rather because I was wanting things to be different.

An Author Alice Seybold wrote in The Lovely Bones, "you cling to death,  swinging out on it hoping to land you anywhere but where you are"  When the world and the thoughts in your mind tell you that "you are just a/an (insult of choice)" and make you feel like dying would be better than experiencing more pain, that way of thinking lingers and can even seem attractive.

****I know now that that kind of thinking is not functional or in anyway beneficial to living, I was just a broken person looking to myself or anyone I could, to change where I was at the time. The problem was that every place  I was looked for hope lead to destruction...which lead to hopelessness, despair. It wasn't until I looked to Jesus, not looking back, but really believing in His power to see me through circumstances. I can't say that I don't struggle and that I am by any means perfect...Ask anyone who has met me. But I have faith in a God who is, and has for many reasons the world denies, loves us, despite ourselves.

 I encourage anyone who may have feelings like this to find or borrow a Bible, read it and regardless of how much you value or trust a person...don't take anyone person's  word for it but the Lord himself. There is a Bible in nearly every hotel nightstand, bookstore and 24-hour store. They can't ask you to leave for gently checking it out while you're there( Ha ha, I know!) So if you happen to empty your gas tank with no direction, trying to clear your mind, park and go in the nearest Meijer or Walmart. You can meander the isles with a Bible and find some Truth. Seriously, pray, read you Bible. ( I'm reminding myself as well). People(except Jesus), no matter how "Perfect" or pious they seem are just fallen sinners in need of a Savior.

I like the way the Josh Wilson sings, "Finding peace is way too hard, when your looking in the dark.Shine, shine, shine on us. Oh God we need your love. These streets aren't bright enough. Oh Jesus shine on us"
-------------------------------------------------

Thanks to our friend and Brother Nick this morning, who challenged us to consider if we have a "spirit of resurrection" It was the message he presented (inspired by the Spirit) this morning, that sparked the
lengthy self-look that inspired me to share the evidence of the Saving Grace of Jesus in my life.

Praise God for this experience and  for blessing me with my patient, loving husband!
Sorry Richard for running us late trying to re-curl my hair...I should have known no one would see past the bags and puffiness of my eyes...Ha!

in Him we live.(R)

"for in Him we live and move and have our being..."1

One of my favorite areas of scripture in the Bible. And easily relative to encountering life in an apartment and life in general, because there aren't any boundaries to this reality. The apostle Paul's reaction after walking into the city of Athens and seeing that the it had been "given over to idols,"2 which included an alter with an inscription of: to the unknown god (capitilized). Pauls Spirit-filled response to seeing these things gives me a glimpse of truth even beyond his context of proclaiming the fact that there is a God that can be known, rather than unknown. It's not commonplace to live in awareness that we are basically wrapped up in God.

This blog is just a place for Michelle and I to record some happenings, if that's how it turns out... and our transitioning into living together, being married, being in an apartment, daily experiences and hopes. In these things, is the place to examine and see the huge reality that we're apart (and even "inside") of something grandscale. A reality that is finely focused all the way down to our "preappointed times and the boundries of our dwellings."3 God is aware of all circumstances and exactly where they're happening. In the case of Michelle and I, our financial needs and budget, rowdy neighbors around the complex, our communication and intimacy, our employment and daily experience it presents, our desires in ministry, and the recent "knocking" sound the bathroom fan has been making. He knows, "for in Him, we live and move..."

The frustrations, joys, and not-much-at-all's, God knows. The apostle Paul testified as well that we're in the "preappointed times and boundries of our dwellings," so that "they (all men) should seek the Lord, in hope that they might grope for Him and find Him..."4 Of course, we're pretty bad at finding him.. and pretty distracted.. and condemned. Thankfully he came to us.We have special insight via the gospel, that in the wrath-appeasing work of Jesus Christ we have full opportunity for a life of worship in spirit and truth to God, once unattainable.

He's there... and "not far from each one of us."5 So in the midst of some doubts, desires, assurances, confidences, needs, deteriorating cars, bills, slightly moldy shower facets- by faith in Jesus alone, and with newly directed hearts and worship, we'll reach for God and seek Him in an imperfect world and one day worship in full knowledge and "know fully, even as we are known fully."7


1- Acts 17:28
2 Acts 17:16
3- Acts 17:26
4- Acts 17:27
5- Acts 17:27
6- 1 Corinthians 13:12

"Whistle on, Mr. Mailman" (M)

The other day I ran out to the car to get a CD. It was almost like any winter day in Cincinnati, very unpredictable. The day before it had been about 60 and sunny. Today it was a chilly 10, or something that turns your blood to ice, your lips to purple and your fingers to numb. I was thinking, "man,  it's freezing out here." For whatever reason I glanced over to my left to see what looked like the mailman struggling to get the last letter out of the blue mailbox. You know, the one crammed in the corner all crumbled up in the way that makes most people want to rip it up or just close it in there pretending they had never seen it...I kind of laughed thinking, "that stinks" until my thought was interrupted with the sound of the mailman whistling. I looked at his face and on it there was no anger...no discontentment and no furrowed brow...Just a cheerful smirk. He closed the mailbox, got in his truck and went on to the next one...
That day I learned a lesson from this man that he may never know he taught...one that is so simple, yet so profound...choose joy.

A couple weeks later while reading Phillipians 4:8  on the couch with my husband, I read this verse:

"Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report. If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things."

So many times I find myself meditating and wasting energy on the opposite of these things... all along I should have been whistling and thinking of the warm sun on the cold winter day...

Thanks mailman and thank God for this lesson learned.